Expectations, Misperceptions and Misunderstandings

I am the type of person that thinks out loud somtimes and I usually do it through writing. Since I have put up this site I've communicated with a lot of Masters and slaves. From these converations that I have had I pick up things that people talk about and I listen. One of the things that I have recognized is how both the Master and the slave have expections of the other.

One of the most glaring things that I have noticed is how a Master constructs an image of himself to a slave and how a slave constructs an image of itself for the Master. Now for the sake of this article, I will presuppose that both the Master and the slave are being honest with themselves and each other.

We all know what it is like when a Master or a slave constructs an image that is not quite true or there is some truth to the image that the Master or slave is constructing but it is done in such a way that paints a picture that is not quite the basis for reality. I have written about the reasons why I think that this happens in other articles, so I won't go into that again.

But, what if a Master see's Himself as a certain way and honestly presents Himself as He sees Himself without any ill intentions of painting a rosier picture than actually exists. Do you remember that old saying; "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?". How about; "People will only believe or see wha they want to." Well I think that there may be some of both happening when a Master is approached by a slave or a slave is approached by a Master. It is human nature to want to present one in the best light as possible. However, the whole setup on the Internet makes it more than probable that either a slave or Master or both can innocently fall into the trap of misconception or misunderstanding. After all I am talking about percception and in particular the perception that one generates of themselves. But, the perception that one may think they are portraying is not quite the same perception that others are receiving. Perception is quite a personal thing, is it not, when you really come down to it.

There are three key words here: misconception, misunderstanding and perception. What is perceptions? Just to get it clear that we are all on the same page.

Webster's Unabridged Dictionary- perception: a result of perceiving : OBSERVATION, DISCERNMENT. APPRECIATION, INSIGHT, a capacity for comprehension : intellectual grasp. the quality of skill in discerning especially that which is hidden or obscure : readiness and accuracy in discriminating : keenness of insight.

Mis-perception: a false perception.

Notice that the definition of misperception does not say an incorrect perception or alludes to perception that is an accident? It simply states a false perception. It is differnet than saying to someone, "You did not perceieve my meaning correctly. If someone stated, I mispercieved what you meant. That statement would literally mean that the person had a "false" perception of what you may have stated to them. A false perception can only be created from flase knowledge. Maybe I am being to literal here, but to me it is a no brainer.

In researching the understanding of the word perception, I come accross the word insight, which may be a better word to use becuase perception is the after-affects of insight. And insight means: the power or act of seeing into a situation or into oneself : DISCERNMENT, PENETRATION, UNDERSTANDING 2 : the act or fact of apprehending the inner nature of things or of seeing intuitively : clear and immediate understanding

So perception is having insight which means the ability to be able to see the inner nature of things, which also means the exercise of one's intuition. So here's the rub...when I was learning about becoming a Master I was fortunate to live in the Meccaa of the gay leather community (San Francisco). I also had the fortune to be among and know many experienced Masters, and so I learned from them.

It was a completely different experience back then than it is now. I don't think a lot of the Internet generation is able to comprehend just HOW different it was. For instance: If a slave was interested in gtting to know Me better as a Master, the slave would approach Me and make certain indications that it was interested in Me. This exchange took place Face to face. If a slave approached Me by chumming up to Me like I was some long lost friend I wouldn't give that slave the time of day. If the slave moved toward Me and made it known to Me that he was following Me around or out of the bar (or wherever I was) that was acceptable. Eventually the interested slave would come up to Me, maybe get on his knees and ask if he could talk to Me. I automatically knew that this slave knew his place and he had gained My respect and attention.

Metting Face to face also told a Master and a slave many things about the other. To a slave it mattered if the Master was dressed correctly. A slave would watch how a Master handled Himself in front of other Masters. A slave would NEVER approach a Master and say something like, "hey". It just was not done. Similarly a Master could watch a slave. Both Masters and slaves could discern with thier own eyes whether a Master or a slave was putting on a show. But it is a lot harder to do when in the company of other Masters and other slaves. It is also very difficult to do in an environment where everyone knows everyone else. One of the cardinal rules all Masters observed was that if a new Master came on the scene We never took if for granted that He was real. Outfits and gear didn't really mean that much. In fact it worked the other way than it does now. If a new Master or slave came into a watering hole with shiny new duds on...in other words, looking like they just walked out of Mr. S. then every Master in the place would kind of avooid that Master until We got to know them. It worked the same way for slaves.

However, in this Internet barroom atmosphere, it seems to be the opoosite. A slave wants to know how much gear You have; do you have a dungeon, etc, etc. Now given todays limited knowledge and limited exposure to truth, these seem like viable questions. I can emphatically tell you that whether a Master has a Dungeon or a lot of gear means absolutely ZIP, NADA! Anyone can buy those things and if they are really serious about painting that sort of picture of themselves then of course they will have all that stuff. It does not mean that they are a good Master or have any experience whatsoever.

My personal experiences have taught Me that there is enormous room for misconception and misunderstanding between the modern Internet slave and the Internet Master. There is an evern larger rift between the Old Guard Masters and the new Internet slaves. For example: There was never any such thing as a tryout. A Master didn't take on a slave so the slave could learn about his own life. Decisions have consequences. The pre-Internet way was SO much easier. A Master's perception of a slave or vice versa was what either saw tih their own eyes and heard with thier own ears. Now all there is are a bunch of words typed onto a computer screen. A Master or slave are relegatied to either being good with words and able to paint a mental picture of themselves or be able to take some really explicit pictures in an attempt to create a perception of who they are. This method absolutely BEGS for inconsistency, misperception, misconception and misunderstanding. Sometimes I just want to scream and say; Can't you see all you are doing is making some company or some guys rich by falling into the trap of these stupid websites that are specifically designed to take your money. And what better way to do it then create this whole montage of really buff sexy guys (the untouchables) and make your dick hard as you click the button charging your credit card $89.95 This is mass madnesss. You are the real thing. The Internet is designed to do exactly what it is designed to do...TAKE YOUR MONEY!

Now, in all fairness and not to say that there have not been many Masters or slaves who have found their perfect match, but I will absolutely gurantee that you will experience a period of shaking off and correcting all of the misconceptions, misperceptions and misunderstandings that were created when the meeting between the Master and the slave first takes place on the Internet.

So, here are these slaves, most with little or no experience with a Master and likewise Masters with little or no experience with slaves all groping around in the dark trying to meet each other, using a medium that is NOT designed to help either of them in any way. But what are the alternatives? That is the problem there aren't any. So we have all created this mental list of things that appear to tell us what the other person is all about. We try to use our insight, small as it is becuase we have no experience, to figure out whehter or not the other person is telling the truth or not. We have this image in out minds of who we are and what we want and we try and project that onto another person that we might be interested in. What a circle jerk that is!

Then we give up for a while. Try to live our lives and remove oursleves from the online mind-fuck for a while only to find ourselves getting back online and telling ourelves that we will give it another try. So back into the foray of the mind-fuck circle jerk we go like some sort of personal sacrifice becuase we have such strong feelings of who we are or who we think we are.

Most of the Old Gurad Masters I personally know have a fucking hell of a time with the new age slave. They have lists of demands. They have personal things that barely any Master can match, mostly becuase the only place the slave learned any of what it knows came from the Internet, which is 80% bullshit and 20% fantasy.

Remember I am talking specifically about the experienced Old Guard Master. In the Face to face days a slave would never think about telling a Master that it was going to try something out for a little while. A slave was expected to know what it wanted and when it made the decision to wear a Master's permanent collar that was the end of the story. There was no getting out of it. It is sort of like joining the Army and then six months later telling your CO (Commanding Officer) that you changed your mind and you really wanted to go into the Air Force. It just did not happen.

There was a time when a Master could count on the fact that if a slave gave itself to a Master and committed itself to a Master the slave was expected to live up to its decision, regardless of whether or not the Master fulfilled every single little whim and desire of the slave. It just didn't work that way. Ever!

Masters and slaves had a much more solid perception and understanding of what was expected of each other. A slave would NEVER think of displeasing the Master in any way. Likewise a slave could count on a Master being who He said He was because the slave based its decision to serve a Master on what he saw, heard, felt, smelled, etc. Now, it is a total crap shoot and it is damned annoying at times.

A Master puts His hopes, desires and most of all His reputation on the line with a slave. A slave would never think of discrediting a Master, especially a Master who the slave had in fact decided to give itself to in the first place. It is not a question of harming a Master's ego as much as it is harming a Masters reputation. Other Masters (at least in the Face to face days) would want to know why a slave left of did not work out. A slave's beahavior ALWAYS reflects on the Master, ALWAYS. So a slave that behaves flagrantly or discredits a Master becuase of what it wants, is not good.

From a Master's perspective, He puts His time and efforts into a slave. He integrates the slave into His life and at some point becomes somewhat dependent on the slave, similar to a carpenters tools. Over time a Master allows Himself to losen up with His slave(s) and allows Himself to depend on them more. The only way a Master will do that is if the slave gives the Master the perception of confidence. Meaning, that if the slave is working out and has accepted the Master by wearing His permanent collar, then the Master will, to some degree, take it for granted that the slave can be depended upon.

There is an exchange of loyalty involved. That is the way it used to be. Now a days slave's rooutinely manipulate Masters into what they want. Some slaves are quite adept at this even psychological driven by this. In My book, once a slave makes that decision, however it came to that decision, to accept a Master's permanent collar and makes its vows to that effect then, at least in the Face to face days, the deal was sealed and the Master owned that slave. Now a days slave's only mouth the words that they are seeking an Owner. Very few are actually capable of doing that.

When a slave is collared

As a rule, if any, now a days, Masters want to collar a slave. I do not agree that a slave should be collared two weeks after it has accepted You as a Master. With that said, this section is going to use My own methods for collaring a slave. Before the advent of the Internet it was more common for a slave to choose the Master based on a Master's reputation (and other things). Once a slave commits itself to a Master by making it known to the Master that it has chosen Him, then a transfer of authority takes place. The slave no longer has the right or authority to make its decisions. At this stage the slave is basically in a probabtionary period. Some Masters like to call it a training period. Basically this is the period that a slave and a Master really get to know each other. My general rule is that I will at least place a leather training collar on the slave. Down the road, when the slave has earned its permanent collar (if it gets that far), I remove the leather one and place a traditional chain and lock on its neck.

My point for bringing this up, is that between the time that a slave commits to the Master and earns its permanent collar, the slave had better use that time to finalize its commitment. A Master is going to rely on two main things when taking a slave, 1) that the slave is adult enough to know what it is doing and 2) that the slave is being honest with the Master. During this time the slave needs to communicate with the Master, a lot! Don't think that it is going to simply be able to change its mind after the Master has placed that permanent collar around its neck. Once that permanent collar goes on, it is permanent. Generally, the word permanent means just that...what has come to pass is not going to change. Remember in the beginning, it was the slave that committed to the Master and the Master accepted. This is a no brainer boys. So be absolutley certain when offering itself to a Master and the Master accepts. Remember...after that point, and especially after the Master placed that permanent collar on it...the slave transfers its rights to the Master...period...end of story. So this means, don't try and weasle out of something that it committed to a year after receiving and accepting the Master's permanent collar. There are SO MANY slaves that think or believe that this is some sort of fantasy game. If the Master is truly a Master, there is no way He is going to let it off the hook that easily. So, if a slave happens to be online and finds some Master that it thinks is better (the grass is greener on the other side of the fence) and the slave tries to place the burden of proof or shift the responsibility to his present Master for his self-inflicted plight that slave had beter think again. Here's a question: What self-respecting Master would take a slave that pulled something like this on his former Master? What guarantee does the new Master have that the slave will not do the same thing to Him? At this point the slave has made its bed and must as they say...

My suggestion is that if a slave has any doubt about serving a certain Master then the slave should negotiate a time-frame with the Master, IN WRITING BEFORE it accepts the Master's permanent collar. For My purposes, I provide a certain un-specified amount of time between the time I place a training collar on it and the time I feel the slave has earned its permanent collar. If I sincerely feel that a slave deserves its collar four or five months after I have placed a training collar on it, then so be it. But a slave, any slave, especially one that has had some prior experience with a Master, should know (if it has any brains in its skull) that once that the Master fits it with His permanent collar...deal done...no turning back now...speak now or forever...well you get it.

So What Can Be Done

Outside of starting to frequent or supporting your local leather bar (what are left of them), and this is going to sound trite; know yourself. Know that the decisions you make, whether you are a Master or a slave WILL have consequences. Do not try and be something you are not. If a Master or a slave, given what they both have to work with using the Internet, are trying to give the best impression of themselves that is possible, and there is nothing wrong with that, but make sure it is done with honest intent. Look, if some slave doesn't like You becuase You are 100 LBS. overweight or You have no experience then do something about it. Don't try and make your fantasies come true by using the life of another person.

When the rubber meets the road; when you are Faced to face then all will come out in the long run. Be as absolutely certain of what you seek because others that you are presenting yourself to have no way of knowing whether the things you are claiming are true. If you are going to use the Internet to seek a slave or a Master then go into it knowing that you will have to spend time and money if you think you have found the Master or slave for you. When Masters met slaves Face to face no one had to think about whether or not they could afford to fly a slave to Them or a slave thinking that they would have to get time off from work to meet a Master for the first time...you were right there Face to face.

As far as I can tell; the Internet has caused more problems for Masters and slaves than it has helped. There are a lot of positive things to be said about the Face to face method and the only thing it might cost you is a couple of beers. But, the point of all of this is to try and bring it to everyones attention that the next time you meet a Master or slave online just keep in mind that the other person is trying just like you are to make the best impression. And, again, there is nothing at all wrong with that as long as the perception of yourself that you are creating is true not how you want other people to see you. Let them see you for exactly who and what you are.

I cannot say that I am the perfect Master all around. I do know that there are a lot of difficulties created by the Internet and that is strictly from My personal experiences. I can say this, that I am a complicated Master. I have many interests and I am a dynamic thinker. I expect that a slave will be a slave and not some person who is on a quest to discover who they are. A Master can burn a lot of years with slaves like that. For the slave's out there, just know that any slave should be absolutely overjoyed and thankful when it finds a Master to accept it. I am not saying slaves should just accept any Master that comes along, but that if in the slave's eyes the Master that it chooses is the Master is wants, then its decision is final. No Master should expect that if a slave gives the impression that it is in full faculty of its senses and makes a decision to commit itself to a Master that a Master should not expect the slave to feel that it has any right to change its mind, especially if the slave claims that it is doing so becuase it did not know what it was getting into or that the slave misunderstood at the time it made its commitment. As a Master, this is wrong...flat out wrong. If a slave makes a decision under the auspices that it is an adult; that it is mature enough to make such a deiscion; that it gives the Master the perception that it knows full well what it is doing then that slave will have to bear the consequences of its decision. This is not some game or some life experience that can be changed on a whim. When you, Master or slave, make the commitment then stick it out, make it work, discern and percieve what needs to be fixed.

Of course, all of this, all of it...is completely avoidable if both Master and slave take the time, expense or whatever is necessary to meet Face to face. Not to put each other to some third degree. For fuck sake be adults. Do not meet with the automatic perception that you distrust the other and you are only there to uncover the lies. Of couse, I am talking about behaving in a rational manner. Hey, and if niether of you is what the other's perception was, then so be it. Look beyond your own fantasies and your own percieved needs. Can the Master meet your needs; not your fantasies. Can the slave meet Your needs; not Your fantasies. Just be careful about the perceptions that you create that other people may rely on quite literally only to find that the perception you created was misleading.

I am not sure if I am done with this articel or not. Also, I have not gone through it for error corrections yet. This is sort of the first draft. But hopefully everyone gets what I am trying to say here. Hope it has some value for some readers.